


Renewal

by YumeArashi



Category: Fushigi Yuugi
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempted Rape, Canonical Character Death, Character Redemption, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fix-It, Implied Underage, M/M, Multiple Personalities, PTSD, Rape/Non-con References, Series Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-15
Updated: 2013-01-15
Packaged: 2017-11-25 14:54:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/640030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeArashi/pseuds/YumeArashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if things had gone differently when Tomo had encountered Miaka in the desert of Sairo?  Tomo-centric AU, fix-it fix for all the bad things in the series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Renewal

**Author's Note:**

> References to non-consensual sex and pedophilia, spoilers for the series, references to canon character death. I wrote out summoning sickness and the 'can't be together in either world' thing, and am presuming that the ‘Suzaku seishi can’t enter Seiryuu’s temple’ works in reverse.

Prologue

 

Hotohori looked up from his papers as a sudden chill ran down his skin.  An unfamiliar ache welled up in his heart, as if part of his soul had been torn away.  Ignoring his advisor's worried questions, he stood and went out on the balcony, seeking comfort from the stars.  Many times since the others had left he had scanned the night sky, reassured by the brightness of his friends' stars that all was well.  Quickly he checked the sky for one after another.  But when he came to the place where Nuriko's stars should have been, there was only darkness, and the terrible realization struck him -- those stars had flickered out along with the life of the seishi they had represented.  Nuriko was gone.

Hotohori fell to his knees, shaking.  _Suzaku, not Nuriko, please not Nuriko..._  Not cheerful, kind Nuriko, so full of life and laughter.  Not Nuriko, who had been a friend to him, whose gentle teasing and quiet support had helped him through so many hard days.  Not Nuriko, who had loved him...

Bitter anguish tore at Hotohori as he saw the irony of his missed chance.  _Nuriko, why couldn't I accept that you loved me?  How hypocritical, to say that I wanted only to be loved, and then to disregard your feelings so completely.  Nuriko, I never imagined..._ Hotohori’s eyes filled with tears as he belatedly accepted the emotion he’d so long denied, and the truth broke his heart a second time.   _I never believed I could return your love..._

 

* * *

 

 

In the chill dawn, Ryo Chuin moved quietly about his camp, readying for the day.  It was with some reluctance that he did so, for each day brought him closer to the Suzaku seishi, closer to carrying out his orders.  Tomo wasn't bothered by his mission, but he wasn't Tomo right now, just himself.  Tomo was his armor, his mask, the self he used when things had to be done that he didn't want to.  Killing didn't bother Tomo, though it would have been impossible for Chuin. 

He shivered in the cold wind, remembering his orders -- "Eliminate the Suzaku threat."  Nothing more, nothing less.  He knew his powers were enough to kill the Southern seishi; caught in one of his illusions, they would never even realize they were in danger.  But...

Chuin paused as a thought occurred to him -- with the Shinzaho brought into play, killing the seishi was pointless.  With the magical artifacts, Suzaku no Miko could summon her god without even one of her seishi left alive.  Killing them wouldn't stop the threat she posed.

While the thought of not having to kill was a relief to Chuin, he now had a different dilemma.  How was he to eliminate the threat?  Nakago had told him some time ago that Suzaku no Miko was not to be killed.  So to destroy her chances of calling the god, there was only one option left...

_Rape?  But I can't, I could never...after what happened, what they did to me..._   Chuin struggled to push down rising memories of futile screams and vain pleas followed by agonizing pain.  _Even as Tomo, how could I?_  He shuddered. 

_But if I don't..._ Another vivid memory came to his mind -- Nakago standing over the lifeless body of a wolf, a fellow seishi, who had become useless to him.  As much as Chuin longed for Nakago, he didn't delude himself about what the man was.  He knew that Nakago wouldn’t hesitate to kill him should he fail in his mission.

Chuin shook his head.  It wasn't a matter of whether or not he could do this -- he would do it, or die trying.  He went to his tent to put on his makeup, hoping that Tomo would have as little problem with rape as he did with killing. 

A little while later, Tomo could be seen riding along the west road, heading towards the Suzaku seishi.

**********

They were alone on the desert plateau, the feathers of his elaborate headdress holding her fast by the wrists.  Tomo smirked.  "So, Suzaku no Miko, we finally meet.  An honor, indeed."

Miaka tugged uselessly at her bonds.  "Let me go!"

Tomo laughed softly.  "Let you go?  If I had any intention of doing that, why would I have caught you in the first place?  No doubt it's unpleasant for you, but I'm afraid I have orders to follow."

"W-What are you going to do?"

Tomo smiled coldly.  "Eliminate the threat you pose to the Seiryuu seishi, of course.  Just because Nakago may not have had the stomach for it..."

Miaka's eyes widened, but before she could say anything, thorny vines grew from the ground surrounding her.  She shied away as the first came near here, but instead of tearing her flesh, it merely ripped through the cloth of one sleeve, leaving her arm exposed.  Miaka gasped as she suddenly realized what he intended.  "NO!  Get away from me!!  Let me go!"

Tomo opened his mouth to say something, but a sudden thread of memory slipped through a crack in his mask, leaving him shivering.  Another, younger self, saying those same words, struggling the same way -- for the same reason.  He snarled and tightened his grip.  He'd be damned if he didn't finish what he started.

But the flaws in his armor gaped wider and wider each second, until it was his own screams he heard, his own terror he felt.  She became a mirror of his past, each echo of banished pain returning, fracturing his outward self.

"Don't touch me!"  Tomo didn't know which one of them screamed it, but the words struck him with terrible accuracy.  Lost to the present, trapped in the past, Chuin was left kneeling in the desert sand with the shards of his ruined mask surrounding him.

Miaka stared at her would-be rapist.  She'd seen his eyes getting further and further away with each moment, until he'd screamed and collapsed, letting go of her.  She hesitated now, watching the weeping young man.  What happened?  Common sense told her to get out of there as quickly as possible, but curiosity and compassion were joining forces to keep her there.  She wondered if there was anything she should do, but before she could act, hoofbeats sounded behind her, and the remaining Suzaku seishi rode up.

At first Miaka was hesitant to face her friends, but then she remembered the Seiryuu’s earlier words.  _Nakago didn’t...I’m not...I can still call Suzaku!  I can be with Tamahome!_ Miaka joyfully flung herself into the arms of her beloved.  Tamahome was somewhat startled at this change of attitude, but wasn't about to question it.

"What the hell's goin' on here?  Who's that guy?"  The seishi had gathered around their Miko, but at Tasuki's question, they became aware of the stranger.  Several pairs of eyes turned to look at the young man huddled on the ground a few feet away.

"He's a Seiryuu seishi, I think.  He didn't give any name.  He was under orders to rape me, but he didn't.  When he tried, he just kind of...fell apart, I guess."

Tamahome's arm tightened protectively about her, and Tasuki drew his tessen grimly.  "Well, if he belongs to Seiryuu, then Seiryuu’s about to be minus one seishi."

"Tasuki, no!"  The red-head turned to look at his Miko, puzzled. 

"Why the hell not?  Seiryuu seishi are trouble, and he tried to rape you, for Suzaku's sake!"

"But he didn't!  He could have, and he didn't.  Besides, look at him -- it's not as if he's about to hurt anybody.  He couldn’t even defend himself!"

Tasuki looked dissatisfied, but put away the tessen, crossing his arms on his chest.  "Okay, then -- what do we do with him?"

Miaka lifted her chin stubbornly.  "I think we should help him.  We certainly can't leave him here."

Tasuki shook his head, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like, "Oh, yes we can."  Miaka glared at him and turned to the others with a hopeful look on her face.

Chichiri sighed and slid off his horse.  "I'll see what I can do no da.  It might be easier if the rest of you weren't here, though.  Go on ahead, I’ll catch up no da."

Miaka beamed.  "Arigatou, Chichiri!  I knew you'd understand.  If anyone can help him, it's you."

_If anyone can help him na no da..._

After the others had left, Chichiri cautiously approached the trembling figure, uncertain how to proceed.  He knelt next to Chuin, trying to think of something to say.  "Saa...you can come out now no da.  No one's going to hurt you."  Chuin didn't respond, except perhaps to curl up a little tighter.  "Do you have a name no da?"  Still no reaction.  Chichiri ran through the Seiryuu seishi in his mind, trying to recall which ones they hadn't yet encountered.  "Let's see...are you Miboshi no da?"  Chuin made a sound that was half-sob, half-laugh.  Even in these circumstances, the thought of being mistaken for Miboshi was ludicrous.  Chichiri blinked at the unexpected response.  At least it was a response no da...  "Then you must be Tomo, ne?"

Chuin raised his face then, and Chichiri bit back a gasp.  Tomo's makeup was tear-streaked, smudged, and dirty; the effect was altogether horrifying.  But then he met the wide golden eyes and saw in them only pain.  "Not Tomo!  I'm not him!  He's gone, he broke."  Chuin ran his fingertips down his cheek, holding out his shaking, paint-smeared hand.  "See?  That's him, he's gone.  I'm not him."

Chichiri winced inwardly.  _He's in worse shape than I thought no da..._ "Well, whoever you may be, let's get you cleaned up, ne?"  Chichiri took his flask and poured a little of the precious water onto a clean cloth.  Chuin flinched away at first, but eventually allowed Chichiri to remove his ruined makeup, calmed a little by his gentle touch.

When he had finished, Chichiri sat back a little, examining the young man before him.  He was really quite handsome, with sharp, delicate features and pale golden eyes.  "You have a very nice face no da," he told Chuin gravely. "Why would you want to cover that up?"

Chuin reached up to cautiously touch his face.  "It's Chuin's face.  Chuin has to hide, or he'll be hurt."

"You're Chuin, then?"  And I thought Nuriko had some identity issues...

Chuin nodded.

"Who is Tomo no da?"

"Tomo was the other me.  But he wasn't me, really.  He was strong.  No one could ever hurt him, because he just didn't care about anything.  Anything he was told to do, he could.  I couldn't have carried out most of those orders."  He gave a short, bitter laugh.  "Looks like I found something he couldn't handle, though."

_Sou ka - Tomo was his armor, then.  He must've been so traumatized that his personality split in half, he created this other self to keep from being hurt.  But Tomo couldn't handle rape, so now his only protection is gone.  Da..._

"What will you do now no da?"

Chuin shrugged.  "Go back and get killed, presumably."

"Ano..."

Chuin shook his head.  "Nakago-sama has no use for failures.  He killed Ashitare with his own hands, did you know?  And he wasn't even a failure.  Nakago just had no more use for him.  I certainly can't think why he'd spare me.  Tomo was useful to him, but not me, not just Chuin."

"Then why go back no da?  Is your loyalty to Seiryuu no Miko that strong?"

Chuin smiled humorlessly.  "Hardly.  It's Tomo's job to protect Seiryuu no Miko, not Chuin's.  Even if I felt the inclination to do so, I'm pretty worthless as a protector.  I may still have my powers, but I've no stomach to use them."

"So don't go back, if you've no reason to stay with them no da."

"Where else can I go?  I've no friends and no family, and I can tell you right now that I'd rather die at Nakago's hands then go back to living on the streets."

_Da, there must be someplace he can go..._  Chichiri thought for a moment.  "What about Konan?  Hotohori-sama was left behind there, I'm sure he'd offer to take you in if you've no place else to go."

Chuin blinked.  "Why would he?  I'm your enemy."

Chichiri shook his head.  "Tomo might have been our enemy, but somehow I don't see Chuin that way.  If you were willing to swear an oath to do no harm, I think that would be enough."

Chuin raised his head a little, his voice soft but determined.  "I won't ever hurt those who have been kind to me, I swear it."

Chichiri smiled.  "That's what I thought no da.  Let me just go and speak to Hotohori-sama about it."

"Will he agree?" Chuin asked anxiously.

"Aa, I'm sure he will.  He's a very kind-hearted person.  You'll like him na no da."

 

Hotohori was in the gardens when he heard Chichiri's voice calling him.  He pulled out the little magic mirror he used to communicate with the others, glad to be receiving news of them.

Chichiri greeted him, worriedly noting Hotohori's careworn appearance.  The beautiful face seemed somehow thinner, and the dark golden eyes were dull and listless.  _Da, he's been this way ever since Nuriko died.  Hopefully, if we send Chuin to him, it'll at least give him something else to focus on._

"How have things been?  I haven't heard from you for a while."

"Da, we're all ok.  We've just had an encounter with one of the Seiryuu seishi no da..."

"You don't sound as if it went well."

Chichiri shrugged.  "It didn't go badly, no one's hurt.  It's just a little complicated na no da."

"How so?"

"Da...Seiryuu seishi Tomo was given orders to eliminate the threat we posed by raping Miaka."  Hotohori's eyes widened, and Chichiri hastened to add, "He didn't, Miaka's fine no da.  The problem is that when he tried to carry out his orders, he couldn't bring himself to do it, and he had a nervous breakdown no da.  He just completely fell apart.  Miaka thinks we should help him, and I agree no da."

"Where is he now?"

"Still here no da.  If he goes back, Nakago will kill him for his failure, and he knows it.  He has nowhere else to go, though; no friends and no family.  I can't in good conscience leave him on his own -- he's much too fragile right now to be able to take care of himself no da.

Hotohori frowned.  "What's wrong with him?  I mean, I understand that he had a nervous breakdown, but why?"

Chichiri sighed.  "I can't really say for sure.  He thinks of himself as two different people.  Chuin, which I'm guessing is his given name, is very shy and vulnerable, easily hurt.  For protection, he created a second self, Tomo -- someone who didn't care about anything, and so couldn't be hurt, someone that people would fear and respect.  His problem is that the second personality shattered when he tried to commit rape, leaving him completely defenseless.  He'll need a lot of healing before he can function on his own."

"But who will look after him if he doesn't have anybody?"

Chichiri smiled wryly.  "That's the difficulty no da.  We can't really take him with us.  Other complications aside, he needs peace and quiet, and we certainly won't be seeing much of that.  He'd be better off away from all this."

Hotohori looked thoughtful.  "Could he come here, do you think?  Kutou is holding off their attacks, so it's been quiet here.  And if he's as fragile as you say, he wouldn't pose much of a threat."

Chichiri smiled.  "I was hoping you'd offer na no da.  It would be very good for him, I think."  _As well as good for you no da..._  "As for being a threat, I really can't see it.  Even if he weren't so damaged, I don't think anyone's ever shown him a moment's kindness before.  I just can't see him turning against the first people to treat him well.  He's already said as much, and I believe we can take his word no da."

"Well, if you trust him, I certainly can.  Go ahead and send him here, I'll have a room readied for him."

"Hotohori-sama, this is a difficult burden you're taking on.  Chuin-san is badly hurt; the smallest harm could cause him irreparable damage.  He'll have to be treated with utmost gentleness and care until his spirit recovers to the point where he can survive on his own.  Are you willing to accept responsibility for his healing?  I believe you are the right person for it, but he will need constant attention.”

Hotohori nodded.  "Understood, Chichiri.  I accept that I will be responsible for the healing of his heart, and I understand that it is no simple task.  I wish to accept it anyway.  I will take good care of him, he will not suffer on my account."

Chichiri smiled.  "I expected as much; I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were getting yourself into.  He'll be there in a few minutes if it's all right; I thought I'd send him through the kesa."

Hotohori nodded.  "Daijoubu, I'll be waiting for him."

 

"Did he say yes?"  Chuin's question greeted Chichiri's return.  Chuin had let down his hair and cast off his elaborate coat and boots, leaving him dressed in simple black pants and white shirt.  He sat on the sand, knees tucked to his chest, arms wrapped round them, playing nervously with a strand of his long, dark hair.

Chichiri grinned  "Da!  He offered before I even brought it up.  I told you he was nice no da!"

A shadow of a smile touched Chuin's lips.  "He must be."  The smile vanished again, leaving him uncertain.  "Am I leaving now?"

"Da, I think that the sooner you're away from all this, the better, ne?  I'll send you through my kesa, so it won't take a minute.  You'll be there before you know it no da."

Chuin hesitated, fear of the unknown showing clear in his eyes.  "Will...will I be ok?"

Chichiri nodded reassuringly.  "Everything will be fine no da.  Hotohori-sama will take good care of you.  I know you're nervous about leaving, but we can't keep you here no da."

"I know..."

Chichiri spread his kesa on the ground and struck it with his staff, turning it into a glowing portal.  "All you do is step in, and it will take you to Konan no da."

Chuin stepped toward the pool of light, then turned back.  "You have been very kind to me, so I hope you'll let me repay you with what I can tell you.  If you confront Miboshi, you must not try to hurt him by physical means.  His chi isn’t tied to his body, so if you wound him too badly, he'll simply leave it and take over another, possibly one of yours.  If he does so, there's no way to restore that person; they’re gone forever.  You also can’t dissipate his unanchored chi, so the only way to destroy him is to trap him in one body; if he's in it when it dies, he dies too."

Chichiri frowned, imagining what an encounter with the seventh Seiryuu might have been without Chuin's warning.  "You have more than repaid us, then.  You may have saved at least one of our lives with this advice."

Chuin smiled shyly.  "It was the least I could do, after you gave me back my own."  And he stepped through the portal.

**********

 

Despite knowing that Chuin was on his way, Hotohori was startled by the suddenness of the long-haired young man’s arrival not five minutes after he and Chichiri had spoken.  "Chuin-san da, ne?"

The young man spun around, pale golden eyes wide with fear, hands coming up in an instinctively defensive gesture.  Hotohori paused, assessing the situation.  He kept his distance from the other, trying to make his voice and posture as unthreatening as possible.  "You are welcome here, Chuin-san.  I’m Hotohori, I'll be looking after you for a while." 

Chuin tried to find his voice, faltering a little.  "A-arigatou, Hotohori-sama.  You are very kind."

Hotohori smiled at him.  "Iie, it's my pleasure.  Your room won't be ready just yet, but if you'd like to look at the gardens with me for a while, they're very beautiful this time of year."

Chuin returned the smile timidly.  "I'd like that."

 

The gardens were indeed lovely, and Hotohori spoke of them as they walked, explaining this design or that pavilion.  Chuin felt himself relaxing, calmed by the scenery and by Hotohori's gentle companionship.  He didn't know how to react to this man, so kind and so beautiful, so much the opposite of everything he'd known. _Why is he so kind to me when all he knows of me is that I'm Seiryuu seishi, his born enemy?_

The approach of one of the palace's many servants interrupted Chuin's thoughts.  "Heika, the room that you requested be prepared for Chuin-sama is ready."

Hotohori nodded his acknowledgment and turned to Chuin.  "Shall we go in?  They'll be serving dinner soon, and I expect you're tired.  We can continue another day."

Chuin nodded his assent and followed Hotohori into the palace.  The room to which Hotohori showed him was generously sized and comfortable looking, not far from the emperor's own quarters, but what captured Chuin's attention was the artwork.  Ethereal landscapes, mystic oceans, and haunted forests lined the walls, each one exquisitely rendered.  Hotohori smiled at his guest's obvious delight.  "I'm glad you like them.  I didn't know enough about you to put in any personal touches, so I just had these put up."

Chuin turned from the painting he was looking at.  "I paint, a little."  He blushed lightly.  "Not like this or anything, I'm nowhere near this good.  It's just something to do in my spare time, really..."  He trailed off, half-expecting ridicule, and wondering why he'd let slip something so personal.

But Hotohori only smiled reassuringly as he replied, "You're lucky, then.  I've often wished for some sort of creative talent.  If you like, just ask any of the servants and they'll gladly provide you with anything you might need for your art.  Anything you desire, you've only to ask."

Chuin's blush had gone from light to fierce, but he was spared trying to reply when a servant knocked on the door with two dinner trays, surprising Chuin with the realization that he was quite hungry.  Although it seemed like forever since he'd last eaten -- had it really been that morning? -- he hadn't expected to have any appetite.  He finished quickly and watched Hotohori's graceful movements as the emperor ate his own meal.  A question occurred to Chuin, and he asked, "Ne, Hotohori-sama...if you're the emperor, shouldn't you be with the rest of the court?"

Hotohori smiled humorlessly, a thin curving of the lips that didn’t reach his eyes.  "Probably.  But just between the two of us, I'd rather be here."

Chuin paused, hearing the bitterness behind the lightly spoken words.  "Is it hard, being who you are?" he asked softly.

Hotohori pushed aside his unfinished tray.  "I have no right to complain.  It's a good life."

Chuin tilted his head to one side.  "But...?" he prompted. 

Hotohori sighed.  "You don't expect friendship when you're an emperor.  You have to be wary of everyone, because everyone wants something from you.  It wasn't until the other seishi came that I had any real friends."

"They're good people.  It must be hard with them gone."  But surely it was more than mere loneliness causing so much pain behind those beautiful dark golden eyes...

The emperor shrugged carelessly, as if to deny the hurt he was hiding, and for the first time Chuin realized that his host was younger than he was.  "It wasn't so hard at first.  I'm used to being stuck here, caged in my own palace ‘for the good of Konan’.”  Chuin tried imagine what such a solitary, confined life must be, and vowed within himself to end that painful isolation.  _If he can do so much to ease my pain, surely I can do everything in my power to lessen his..._

“I thought they'd get the Shinzaho and get back, and everything would be fine.  I knew there would be danger, but I never thought..."  Hotohori's voice faltered.  "I never thought anyone would die."

Chuin remembered something Nakago had mentioned a little while ago, and began to see the heart of the problem.  "Nuriko?"

"Aa."  Hotohori stood and went to one of the paintings, pretending to be absorbed in examining it.  "Nuriko was my best friend, the only person at court I ever met who truly cared about me, about the man instead of the crown.  It may sound strange to you, but he...loved me.  I didn't truly realize it until after he was gone.  I spent my whole life dreaming of Suzaku no Miko, hoping I'd find love in her.  But she doesn't think of me that way, and never will.  She has someone else.  Nuriko and I...I didn't realize until it was too late, how much I'd cared for him.  I loved him, but I never saw my heart for what it was.  We could have been happy..."  He turned away, trying to vain to hide quiet tears.

Chuin stood and went to him, resting a hand on his shoulder, wishing there were more he could do.  At his touch, Hotohori quickly mastered his tears, drying his eyes on his sleeve.  "I'm sorry, Chuin-san.  You didn't need that."

Chuin withdrew his hand.  "But I think you did."

Hotohori turned towards him, bowing his head in acknowledgment.  "Perhaps you're right.  I've had no one to really talk to since the others left."

Chuin offered him a tentative smile.  "For what it's worth, Hotohori-sama, you can always talk to me."

Eyes still bright with held-back tears, Hotohori returned the smile.  "Arigatou..."

**********

Hotohori was woken from a restless sleep by cries coming from somewhere nearby.  He sat up and looked around, trying to locate their source.  Then he realized what he was hearing.  Chuin...

When he arrived in Chuin's room, the slim Seiryuu was thrashing about in the bed, struggling against his dream.  "NO!  Don't touch me!  Let me go, please, let me go..."

Hotohori went over and tentatively reached out to touch Chuin's shoulder.  "Chuin-san?"  Upon feeling a hand on his shoulder, Chuin shrieked and threw himself violently away.  Hotohori winced.  Ok, that was a bad idea...  "Chuin-san, wake up.  You're having a nightmare."  No response.  "CHUIN!"  Chuin sat bolt upright with a gasp, panicky terror raw in his eyes.  "Chuin-san, it's all right.  You were having a bad dream, but it's over now."  Chuin, now fully awake, stared up at Hotohori for a moment before crumbling into half-hysterical sobbing.

Hotohori went and sat on the bed next to him, gently stroking his dark hair.  "Chuin, it's all right now.  You're safe, no one here is going to hurt you.  You'll be all right."

Chuin shuddered, collapsing against him, the past he never thought he’d share with anyone spilling painfully from his lips.  "It wasn't my fault, I was only five!  I was so little and my mother had left me all alone, I didn't have anyone or anything.  And this man, he took me to his house and then he...he..." Chuin's voice shattered completely, unable to finish.  But Hotohori had heard enough to connect it with Chuin's earlier cries, and his stomach knotted as he realized what had happened to the child.  _My god, how could anyone...to a five year old?_    _Sweet Suzaku, no wonder he's broken.  Gods, grant me the ability to help him though this..._  Hotohori waited until Chuin had cried himself out, murmuring soothing reassurances and stroking his hair.  After a while, Chuin blinked away the last of his tears and looked up, suddenly very aware that he was curled up against the young emperor’s chest.  "I….I'm sorry, Hotohori-sama!  I...I didn't mean to..."

"It's all right, Chuin.  I think this was something you needed to get out of your heart, and that's why I'm here, ne?"  He smiled, brushing a lock of hair from Chuin’s face.  "Or, to be technically accurate, why you're here.  To heal, remember?"

Chuin nodded, glad the night hid his vivid blush.

"Will you be able to get back to sleep?"  Chuin shook his head miserably and would have begun another apology, but Hotohori shook his head dismissively.  "It's all right, I expected as much."  He went to the window, looking out at the fading night.  "It'll be dawn before too much longer;  I don't generally get up much later then this anyhow."  Chuin looked startled, and Hotohori smiled wryly.  "The emperor's day begins very early."  Chuin made a face and Hotohori laughed, something he hadn’t done since the others had left. 

It felt good to laugh again.

**********

Chuin did heal, with a resilience that surprised Hotohori.  Surrounded by peace and friendship, his fear quickly vanished, his nightmares waning each day.  Accepted and respected for simply being who he was, he began to accept and respect himself.  Still sensitive -- as he always would be -- he nevertheless outgrew his fragility, becoming emotionally strong and self-sufficient.

He still spent most of his time with Hotohori, though now it was out of friendship rather than need.  Hotohori was startled to one day realize that Chuin was as much a friend to him as Nuriko had been.  A very different kind of friend -- Chuin would never be the lighthearted, outgoing kind of person Nuriko had been -- but Hotohori found he valued Chuin's quiet friendship very much.

 

It had been some time since Chuin's arrival at the palace, and the two friends were sitting in the gardens talking.  Chuin smiled at something Hotohori said and opened his mouth to reply when a sudden chill left him shuddering.

"Chuin, what's wrong?  Are you all right?"  Hotohori asked, concerned for his friend.

"Aa, daijoubu.  One of the others is gone."  Chuin closed his eyes, concentrating.  "Miboshi.  It appears my advice did the others some good."

Hotohori hesitated, not knowing whether sympathy would be appropriate.  Chuin noticed this, and shook his head.  "Don't worry about it.  For the most part, there was little love lost between me and the others."  He grimaced.  "Or for that matter, between most of the Seiryuu seishi."

Hotohori was about to respond when Chichiri appeared beside them.

Chuin smiled in greeting.  "Chichiri-san, it's good to see you again."

Chichiri acknowledged him with a nod, then removed his mask, causing Chuin's eyes to widen.  "Hotohori-sama, Chuin-san.  We should go to Suzaku’s temple."  He turned to Chuin.  "You are welcome to join us, though you cannot enter.  Your earlier advice was valuable, and I would not exclude you now."  Chuin nodded, and the three set off for the temple.  Chuin waited on the steps outside while the others went in.  Chichiri stopped just inside the temple doors and pulled out a small, elaborate mirror.  Hotohori could sense its power, even in a place suffused with his god's chi.  "This is Byakko's Shinzaho.  Byakko seishi Tatara gave it to Miaka in Sairo.  Miboshi appeared and tried to wrest it from us, but we defeated him, and I brought us a safe distance away from the remaining Seiryuu seishi.  I thought it best to bring the Shinzaho here, since Seiryuu's people cannot enter the temple.  But we don't have much time; each side now has one Shinzaho, and whoever is the first to obtain both will be the one to summon their god.  I don't doubt that Nakago will try anything to get ours."  He looked over at Chuin, who nodded in confirmation.

"What can we do to get the other Shinzaho?  It's not enough to simply keep this one out of their grasp, and even if it were, we couldn't keep it away from them forever."

Chichiri shook his head.  "The only Seiryuu seishi opposing us at this point are Suboshi, Soi, and Nakago.  Suboshi or even Soi we could deal with, but Nakago keeps the Shinzaho around his neck with a chi barrier up at all times.  That would make it difficult to get at in any event, but the moment he senses Suzaku chi -- which we would have to use to lower the barrier -- he'll be on his guard, making it next to impossible.  I've been trying to think of a solution, but I have to admit I don't see a ready answer."

"Excuse me."  The Suzaku seishi turned to look at the Seiryuu standing on the doorstep of their temple.  "There is another way.  Your chi would put him on his guard, but not mine.  It resonates so closely with his own that it's difficult to for him detect.  He can, but if he were asleep, I could catch him off-guard."

"What do you propose, Chuin-san?"  Chichiri asked.

"My seishi power is the power of illusion.  I can craft a dream he'll never wake from, not until I choose to let him."

"What you're proposing is very risky, Chuin-san.  Are you truly powerful enough to chi-bind Nakago?"

Chuin smiled at Chichiri.  "In a fair fight he'd kill me in a flat second.  But with the right kind of dream, he'll never even recognize it for what it is.  I can create a dream that feeds off his own subconscious, showing him whatever he most desires to see.  Since this is doubtlessly something no one else knows about, something he keeps in the deepest corners of his own heart, he'll never suspect it could be anyone else's doing.  It would easily lower his guard, and thereby the chi barrier."

Hotohori raised an eyebrow in silent appreciation of Chuin's idea.  "So then Chichiri just teleports in, takes the Shinzaho, and teleports back out?"

Chuin frowned.  "I wouldn't recommend doing it that way.  Even in the deepest illusion I could put him in, sensing active Suzaku chi could set off alarms in his mind strong enough to wake him.  As Chichiri said, it's a risky proposition, and I'm nowhere near as powerful as he is."

"So what would you suggest, then?"

"Better for someone to go in physically, without using any magic whatsoever.  Neither Soi nor Suboshi is trained to detect passive chi, and I plan to give Soi a dream, too, since she'll probably be with Nakago.  Nakago could normally detect passive chi, but the dream should be sufficient to block it.  Even if he feels it, the call of his heart's deepest desire will be strong, and he will be reluctant to leave his dream."

Hotohori turned to Chichiri.  "Tasuki used to be a bandit, so he should be able to handle such a mission."

"Hopefully so.  I'll ask him.  But there will be guards..."

Chuin grinned.  "Oh, guards aren't a problem!  I can give Tasuki an illusion of silent invisibility.  He can walk straight in if he wants, they'll never know he's there."

Chichiri looked at him, surprised.  "You can do that at the same time as the dreams?  Both of them?"

Chuin shrugged.  "As far as my illusions go, I can do just about anything."

The two inside the temple looked at one another for a long moment, considering.  _We'd be relying on him so much...but if he wanted to harm us, he could have done so much already.  As awful as it sounds, if something went wrong, we'd still have one Shinzaho.  If he planned to betray us, he could do much worse._

Chichiri looked at Chuin and spoke slowly.  "I can't think of a better plan, and we have no time.  We don't have any real choice."

Chuin looked at the others, a little sadly.  "I know that so much trust is a lot to ask of you.  But everything I have, everything I am, I owe to you.  Chuin owes nothing to the Seiryuu seishi.  I'll swear any oath you like, but I would die before betraying you." He smiled wryly.  "Besides, now that I've seen both sides, I'd far rather Suzaku were summoned than Seiryuu."

Hotohori's face softened, and he went to his friend, resting a hand on Chuin's shoulder.  "I trust you, Chuin."

Chichiri nodded his agreement.  "All right, let's do this no da!  Chuin-san, would tonight be all right?"

Chuin nodded.  "Tonight is fine.  Can you let me know when you want me?"

Chichiri nodded and turned to Hotohori.  "Perhaps you would stay with the Shinzaho until then?  I don't know what they might try between now and then."

Hotohori nodded, and Chichiri spread his kesa on the floor.  "I'm going back to explain to the others, then.  I'll be in touch no da."

Chichiri disappeared, and the other two settled in for the rest of a long day.

**********

 

Tasuki jogged toward the Seiryuu encampment, still half-wondering how he'd gotten talked into this one. _I can't believe we're trusting one of the Seiryuus to get us out of this mess!_ Getting Tasuki to agree to this had taken multiple reassurances from Chichiri that if something went wrong, he'd be able to get him out before all hell broke loose.  Tasuki didn't relish the memory of his last encounter with Nakago.

Still, it had been pretty cool when he'd disappeared.  He'd danced around the other seishi, yelled, made silly faces, but nothing he did drew their notice.  _That'd be a nifty trick if I was still bein' a bandit.  Never thought what I learned as one would come in useful as a seishi, though!_

Drawing near the Seiryuu encampment, he slowed down and approached with caution.  Illusion or not, there was no point in being careless.  It wasn't hard to find Nakago's tent.  As expected, Soi lay beside the blond Shogun, her head resting on his shoulder.  Tasuki crept a little closer, sure that his heartbeat was audible even through the spell.  Nakago lay on his back, with the Shinzaho around his neck.  So far, everything was just according to plan.  Tasuki gingerly slipped the necklace off, being careful not to touch the sleeping man.  Nakago didn't stir. 

Mission accomplished, Tasuki set off for the Suzaku camp with all his seishi gift of speed.

**********

 

In his dream, Nakago found himself on a bright field without end.  Puzzled, he looked around, but could find no clue to where he was.

"Nakago."

Hearing his name spoken, he turned.  Upon seeing who it was the had spoken, his eyes widened as fear and wonder touched his heart.  "Mother?"

Nakago's mother smiled at her son.  "Yes, little one, it's me."

"Am I dead, then?  I don't remember dying."

"No, little one.  I was granted one night to see you again, to set your heart at ease."

Nakago was surprised to feel tears sting his eyes.  "Then...you don't hate me for what I did?"

His mother gathered him into her arms and stroked his hair as she used to when he was a child.  "Little one, I would never hate you.  You were trying to help me, how is it your fault if it went wrong?  You were only eleven years old.  Little one, hatred is a poison -- when we hate, we only diminish our own happiness."

Nakago shook his head.  "How can I not hate them?  After what they did to me..." his voice trailed off, and he shivered at the memory.

His mother soothed him, letting him cry.  "I know, little one.  It's hard.  But it's better to forget the past, sometimes.  To live in hatred and vengeance is to make yourself like them.  You're better than that.  Yes, it was terrible -- but it's over now.  Let the past be the past, little one.  Revenge wouldn't make right what happened to you, it wouldn't change the past.  You don't have to keep fighting, little one.  You still can find peace and happiness, if you can learn to let go.  It’s not too late."

"How?  I can't be happy while he's still alive.  I'll never sleep a night in peace knowing that he's out there.  Not for hatred or revenge, but for dread.  He's no less capable of harm now than he was fourteen years ago."

Nakago's mother nodded sadly.  "You're too young to remember, but Kutou used to be a beautiful country, prosperous and peaceful.  Once this emperor took over, he started wars and mismanaged the treasury so badly that within a few years it was as you see now -- poor and war-torn."

Nakago thought for a moment.  "What about bringing him to justice?  If he's tried, he can be executed for crimes against the state and against humanity.  That's not revenge, it's the rightful law of the land."

Nakago's mother shook her head.  "Of course it is, but who would try him?  You know that all the officiaries are either friends of his or heavily bribed."

Nakago scowled.  "Not for long."

His mother smiled.  "I know you'll make a fine emperor, little one.  And maybe by bringing peace to Kutou, you'll find peace for yourself.  I've always said that to feel good about yourself, you have to do good for others."

Nakago's voice caught in his throat as he replied, "I will, Mother.  I'll make you proud of me.  You'll never have to feel ashamed on my account."

Nakago's mother pulled him close and kissed his forehead.  "Little one, I never have."

Nakago rested in his mother's arms for a moment, content to be a small child again, until a thought occurred to him.  "But if I'm the emperor, I'll have to marry!  And have children!"  A note of horrified panic had crept into his voice, and his mother laughed.

"I know, little one.  You'll make a fine husband and father, I'm sure."  Nakago gave his mother a look of extreme skepticism, but she continued.  "And your young lady will make a fine empress, no doubt.  She'll be a good wife for you, and a good mother to your children."

Nakago blushed.  "Soi?"

His mother gave him an arch look.  "You have another?"

"No, of course not...it's just...I never thought..."

Nakago's mother shook her head.  "She loves you very much, you know.  That's something altogether too rare in this world.  You won't find better, and you would be wrong to play with her heart."

"I don’t mean to hurt her!  But I never know what to do, I never know how to react to her.  No one’s ever loved me before, not like that.  I could never open up to her, I could never let myself be seen so weak.  I’d be taking a chance on getting hurt again, and I couldn't survive that."

Nakago's mother fixed him with a stern look.  "Little one, you're being cowardly.  Hiding from your feelings is no way to deal with love."  Her face softened as she looked on her scarred son.  "I know it's hard for you to trust, little one.  I know how much you've been hurt.  But you're only hurting yourself more to deny yourself the happiness she can give you.  Soi loves you, she's not going to hurt you.  You've been living in fear far too long, little one.  You put up walls strong and thick so that no one could hurt you, but so distant and apart, were you really living at all?  You can end this whenever you want.  You need to move on, little one, and leave your fear behind.  It's time for you to live.  Leave death to the dead."

Chastened, Nakago raised his eyes to meet his mothers'.  "I'll try, Mother.  I can't promise I'll succeed, but I promise I'll try."

His mother gave him a gentle hug.  "Sometimes it's harder to let yourself be weak than it is to make yourself strong.  But I have faith in you.  Things will turn out all right, you'll see.  But I have to go now, little one.  The night is ending."

Nakago held his mother tightly for a moment, then gathered up his strength...and let her go.  As she began to fade out, she smiled at him.  "You're learning already, little one.  Don't lose heart.  You'll see me again someday, and you won't be alone.  I'll be watching over you, and you have someone else who loves you, too."

Nakago didn't try to fight his tears as he bid his mother goodbye.  "I'll never forget, Mother."

 

Soi was woken from a beautiful dream of Nakago when he pulled her into a tight embrace, burying his face in her hair.

"Nakago-sama?"

"Soi..."  Nakago's voice was choked, and Soi was startled wide awake.  Surely he wasn't crying?  She lifted her face to look at him, and sure enough, his bright blue eyes were full of tears.  Amazed, she leaned forward to gently kiss them away.  She froze when he turned his head to kiss her on the mouth; for all their intimacy, he had never done so.  But now his lips touched hers with all the tenderness she'd dreamed of, and her heart filled with wonder and joy.

After a long, sweet kiss, Nakago pulled back a little, smiling brilliantly through his tears.  Soi timidly reached out to touch his lips, as if unable to believe the smile were real.  He kissed her fingertips, then spoke.  "Soi, I just had the most incredible dream..."

Neither noticed the missing necklace.

**********

 

Chuin sat up with a gasp.  He'd waited until Tasuki was back at the Suzaku camp to release his illusions.  Though he'd never doubted his ability to perform as he'd said, it had still been difficult maintaining so many complicated illusions.

"Chuin, daijoubu ka?"  Hotohori sat beside his friend, looking worried.  He'd stayed in the temple doorway while Chuin cast his dreams lying on the temple steps.

Chuin lay back down, exhausted.  "Everything's fine, Tasuki made it," he reported briefly.

"But what about you?  Are you all right?  You don't look very well."

Chuin turned toward his friend, slight surprise registering on his face.  Even now, he had a hard time remembering that people cared about him.  "I'm fine, just a little tired."  He thought back to the dream that had crafted itself in Nakago's mind, feeling rather ashamed for having seen something so private.  "It was interesting...I think I understand Nakago now.  And I think that he'll be a changed man after this."

Hotohori wondered briefly what Chuin had seen.  "Well, if it made a decent human being out of Nakago, that's an unexpected plus."

"A decent human being, and hopefully a decent emperor."  Chuin caught the look on Hotohori's face and laughed.  "Don't worry, Hotohori-sama.  He can't possibly be a worse emperor, or more of a threat to you, than the current one is.  Especially once Suzaku's granted divine protection to Konan."

"I suppose that's true..."  If Hotohori had been about to say anything else, his words were lost as a sudden rush of people teleported into the room.

"Da!  We made it!"  Chichiri beamed cheerfully, holding out Genbu's Shinzaho.

Miaka was hustled off, well-guarded, to purify herself.  The other seishi made ready where they were, to better protect the Shinzaho, while servants brought whatever was necessary.

During the bustle, Tasuki went over to Chuin, who was still sitting on the temple steps, resting against a stone column.  "Yo, Chuin-kun..."

"Yes, Tasuki-san?"  Chuin hadn't had much contact with the other Suzaku seishi, and he felt a little shy around the noisy redhead.

"I just wanted ta tell ya I'm sorry."  Tasuki was blushing and shuffling his feet uncomfortably.  "I gotta admit, I thought Chichiri was crazy to go along with your plan, but ya came though just like ya said you would.  You could've pulled the rug out from under me anytime, but ya didn't.  I guess I owe ya an apology.  They were right to trust you."

Chuin smiled in pleased surprise.  He'd never thought there would come a day when someone would be apologizing for not trusting him.  "It's quite all right, Tasuki-san.  I certainly understand how you felt.  I don't know that I'd have trusted me either."

Tasuki grinned and was about to reply when someone called from within the temple.

The ceremony was about to start.

 

Miaka stood before the flaming altar, dressed in her ceremonial robes once more.  The two Shinzaho rested on small pedestals to either side, and the seishi stood ranged in a semicircle behind her.  Chuin sat on the heavily guarded steps outside the entrance, watching the ceremony with curiosity.

As Miaka completed the chant, the skies trembled and rent open at Suzaku's coming.  The crimson deity hovered over the palace for a few moments before shifting to his human shape to enter the temple.  Soft gasps went up from those present as the god appeared among the flames.

"You are the Miko that has summoned me?"  The rich voice rolled through the room, sending shivers through those it touched. 

Miaka nodded.  "H-hai, I am."

"You have done well, my Miko.  Despite difficulties, you have still managed to prevail."  Miaka bowed her head in acknowledgment, and the fire god continued.  "And you, my seishi, have also done well.  Through many dangers, you have protected the Miko.  My blessing is on you."  The seishi also bowed their heads in turn as the burning gaze traveled from one to the other.  "And there is one more who has served me well."  Bright eyes lifted beyond the circle to the darkened doorway, and Chuin froze as they sought him out.

"Ryo Chuin, enter my house, and nothing fear."  Chuin wondered that he could still stand when all his limbs trembled so violently, but stand he did, and walked forward.  A sharp sensation akin to electrical shock passed over his skin as he entered the temple.  Slowly he walked forward until he stood before the deity, somehow finding the courage to raise his eyes to the phoenix god's face.  Suzaku smiled, for this boldness pleased him.

"Born under Seiryuu's stars, you nevertheless devoted the powers he gave you to serve my cause."  Chuin paled, and to the surprise of all present, Suzaku laughed.  "It is true that I do not know what my brother dragon will have to say to you about that.  But rest assured that come what may, you will always have a place by my side, and whatever storm may threaten, you will have shelter beneath my wing.  Joy shall be yours."

Chuin knelt, tears running down his cheeks, his heart too full for words.  He started when he felt a touch like flame on his shoulder, and heard Suzaku's voice soft in his mind.  _Rise, Ryo Chuin, and be welcome in my home._   He stood, bowed once more to the god -- now his god -- and took a place just behind the other seishi.

Suzaku turned once more to Miaka.  "You have wishes, my Miko?  Name them, and they shall be yours."

Miaka raised her chin.  "For my first wish I ask for the protection of Konan, for peace for this world."

Suzaku nodded, raising his wings a little.  "So shall it be.  These wars shall become a thing of memory, and peace reign forever more."

Miaka allowed herself a brief grin of triumph before continuing.  "Secondly, I wish for happiness for all my seishi."

Suzaku looked thoughtful, fanning his wings gently.  "I hear the wish behind your words, my Miko.  Although it is possible for me to recall a spirit from the sky, that spirit must be willing to return.  Have you considered that this one might not be?  You wished for his happiness, not for his life."

Stunned silence echoed loudly in the room.  Behind Miaka, Hotohori felt the hope that had sprung up with Suzaku's first words constrict painfully around his heart.

"Do not yet despair.  I will ask of him whether he will return or no."  Suzaku bowed his head, and silence trickled by as minutes passed.  Hotohori raised tear-filled eyes to the sky in silent prayer.  _Nuriko, wherever you are, please come home.  I miss you so much it hurts.   I love you so much, Nuriko, please..._

**********

 

In the realms of the sky, Nuriko was talking over old times with his sister when he felt himself called.

"Niisama, what's wrong?"

For a moment Nuriko didn't answer, a slow smile starting across his face.  "What do you know, they made it.  I always knew you'd win, Miaka-chan."

Kourin smiled.  "Niisama, that's wonderful!"

Nuriko hesitated, his smile faltering.  "Kourin, I...I can go back if I want to..." His violet eyes filled with tears.  "Miaka made a wish for me.  But..." He hugged his little sister.  "I don't want to say goodbye again..."

Kourin returned the hug briefly, then pulled away.  "Niisama, you're being silly!  You've been given a miracle.  You have your whole life in front of you, it would be wrong to waste it.  You’ll see me again someday.  But right now they need you, Niisama.  Listen..."

Nuriko listened, straining to catch the faint whispers coming from so far away.

_Nuriko, please come back...I miss you...please Nuriko, please come back..._

He gasped as he recognized that faraway scrap of a voice, his tears falling faster.  "Hotohori-sama..."

Kourin spoke gently.  "He loves you, Niisama.  Go on, go to him and be happy."

"But after what I said to Tamahome, about Miaka..."

"Niisama, you were confused.  You thought loving her would make you more yourself, you thought loving him was no more than playing my role.  We're all entitled to make mistakes, Niisama.  Sometimes it's hard for us to know our own hearts."  Kourin smiled.  "Were you any more wrong about your feelings for him than he was about his love for you?"

Nuriko smiled ruefully.  "I was never able to win an argument with you, was I?"

Kourin shook her head, grinning.  "Nope!  Now hurry, Niisama, it's time.  I'll see you again someday, ne?"

Nuriko let himself be pulled away, glancing back for a final farewell.  "Aa, imoutou -- someday..."

**********

 

In the temple, the altar's flames suddenly flared to the ceiling, blinding those within.  When they receded, Nuriko lay at the foot of the altar, curled on his side on the hard stone floor.  His back was to the altar's chill metal base, his long purple hair his only covering.  For a moment, those present were motionless with amazement, but when Nuriko stirred, shivering with cold, Hotohori went to his beloved, removing his own outer robe to wrap the slender seishi in it.  He gathered Nuriko into his arms, soothing him until he quieted once more, relaxing against Hotohori's chest.

It was only then that Hotohori became aware of his position -- directly at the feet of the tall figure that stood in the flames.  He looked up at his god, half-afraid, half-defiant. _I don't care if you yourself tell me this is wrong, I'm not letting go of him this time!_

He couldn't have been more astounded when Suzaku answered him in his mind, rich voice tinged with amusement. _I have no intention of telling you it's wrong.  I am also the god of love, am I not?  Love exists separately from our bodies, so how can it be wrong to love someone based on what kind of body they inhabit?  You show great courage to love him, and to fight for that love.  Because of this, blessed shall you be._

Hotohori bowed his head, unable to believe he'd just received Suzaku's blessing on his love.  Gently, he lifted Nuriko and returned to his place in the circle.

 

"And now, my Miko -- your final wish."

Miaka looked distinctly nervous as she made her last wish.  "I wish that Tamahome, Yui and I could return to our world for the rest of our lives."

Suzaku looked at Tamahome, who looked equally nervous.  "You have agreed to this?"

 

Tamahome nodded.  "I love her, and I'd do anything to be with her."

"So be it.  Say your goodbyes."

Miaka nodded and stepped down from the alter, going to her friends one by one.

Mitsukake awkwardly accepted a hug from Miaka while Tama-neko batted at her hair.  "Take care of yourselves, ne?"

"We will, Mitsukake, we will."

Tamahome stroked Tama-neko's fur.  "I owe you my life, you know.  I've never forgotten that.  I've always wished there were something I could do to repay you."

Mitsukake smiled.  "It was my pleasure.  Just be well in your new home, ne?"

Tamahome nodded and went to Chiriko, who was standing next to the healer.  Crouching down, he ruffled his hair affectionately.  "Ne, you take care too.  I know you'll grow up big and strong."

Beside him, Miaka smiled at the diminutive seishi.  "Of course you will.  After all, your body has to catch up to your heart sometime!"  She hugged the blushing boy, then rolled her eyes as she noticed Tasuki and Tamahome exchanging fraternal punches. 

"Na, Obake-chan, I'm sure gonna miss you.  Who'll I flame if you're not around?" 

"Oh, yeah?  I'm gonna miss you, too -- it was nice having my own personal punching bag!"

Miaka separated the brawlers with a sigh.  Despite Tasuki's protests, she hugged him as well, eliciting a howl of indignation from him and a snicker from Tamahome.  Lest the fighting begin anew, she quickly dragged Tamahome away from Tasuki to where Chichiri was hiding a smile at their behavior.

"I'll miss you, Chichiri.  You've gotten me out of so many troubles, I don't know what I'll do when I get into a jam anymore."

"Don't worry, Miaka-chan.  You'll find you can do a lot more by yourself than you think.  And I'm sure you and your friend will patch things up ok."

Miaka smiled with her usual optimism.  "Definitely!"

Chichiri turned to Tamahome.  "Farewell, Tamahome-kun."  He grinned suddenly.  "I'll tell Taiitsu-kun you said 'bye no da."

Tamahome muttered something that sounded an awful lot like 'old hag'.

Miaka went to where Hotohori knelt, still cradling the sleeping Nuriko in his arms.  She smiled and stretched her arms to hug both of them. _I hope they'll be happy.  They deserve it._ "It's too bad - I wanted to say goodbye to Nuriko.  He only just got back..."

"Don't worry, Miaka.  I'll tell him, he'll understand.  I know he'd have wanted to say goodbye, too."

Tamahome came up and offered Hotohori his hand.  "No hard feelings, ne?"

Hotohori smiled and accepted it.  "None.  Take care of Miaka, ne?"  He grinned suddenly, "We all know sometimes she needs it."  Tamahome grinned as well, then gently ruffled Nuriko's hair. 

"Sayonara, aniki.  I'd have liked to say it in person, but it's not so hard as our last goodbye, ne?"

They turned away, and were about to return to the platform when something caught Miaka's eye -- Chuin standing a little apart from the others, a slightly wistful look on his delicate features.  _Poor Chuin-san.  I can't believe that after he made this possible for us, I was about to go and leave him out._ Much to Chuin's embarrassment, she promptly went over and gave him a big hug, kissing his reddened cheek.  "Arigatou, Chuin.  We owe you so much.  I wish I could've known you better."

"Iie, Miaka-san, you owe me nothing.  None of you does.  I'm only grateful I was given a chance to do something for all of you.  You've done so much for me, even before you had any reason to think kindly of me.  I wish the best for both of you in your world."

“And we wish you happiness here...”

Miaka and Tamahome went to stand before Suzaku once more.

"You are ready?"  They nodded.  Once again, the fire blazed.  When it had subsided, the two of them were gone, along with Suzaku.

 

"ALL RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!"  Tasuki's triumphant yell made everyone wince.

"Ne, do you think you could yell a little louder?  They couldn't quite hear you in Hokkan-koku."  Tasuki blew a raspberry at Chuin.

"Na, you don't want me to start using you for target practice now that Obake-chan's gone, do ya?"

Chuin grinned.  "Try it and see how far you get."

"Da, not in the temple, you guys!"  Despite his long-suffering tone, Chichiri was glad to see Chuin in such high spirits.

"I agree.  If you two wreck my palace I'll have to be very irritated with you."  Chuin turned a wide, innocent smile to Hotohori's mock-disapproving expression.  He, too, was glad to see his friend happy.  The quiet sadness was gone from Hotohori's eyes, leaving them filled with joy at the return of his beloved.  _Strange; I thought I'd be jealous.  But I want him to be happy, and he is.  They deserve each other._

Chuin's thoughts were interrupted when Tasuki snagged him for a noogie, apparently having decided he'd make quite a fit replacement for Tamahome.  Laughing, Chuin smacked him on the head, but allowed himself to be pulled into the cheerful crowd of seishi.  Mitsukake shook his head and stepped forward.  Tasuki let out a yelp as the brawny seishi picked him up by the scruff of his neck.  "I thought we agreed not in the temple, ne?"  He set the surprised red-head down -- fairly gently, all things considered -- and turned to Chuin with a wink.  "Don't mind Tasuki, Chuin-kun.  He just gets a little hyper, that's all."

"Aa, so I gathered..."  Chuin looked around at the smiling faces surrounding him, feeling the warmth of their welcome, and realized he was accepted as one of them.  Tears sprang up in his eyes. _Finally, I'm home..._

**********

 

Nuriko didn't wake up until much later that night.  Hotohori had carried him back to his room, which had been left undisturbed since his death.  The celebrations had been postponed, for Hotohori flatly refused to leave Nuriko's side.  It was almost dawn when the smaller seishi finally stirred, eyelids fluttering open.  His first sight was of his beloved smiling down at him.

"Welcome home, Nuriko.  It's good to have you back."

Nuriko smiled sleepily.  "It's good to be back.  I don't remember much, but I have the distinct impression that being dead was not all it's cracked up to be."

Hotohori's laughter caught in his throat. _Just like old times, ne?  I should've known the first thing you'd do would be to make a joke._

"Hotohori-sama?  What's wrong, why are you crying?  I thought everything was all right now..."  If he'd meant to say anything else, the words were lost as Hotohori pulled him into a fierce hug.

"I missed you so much, Nuriko.  You don't know what it was like without you.  When I realized you were gone, my heart just fell to pieces.  Nuriko, I'm so sorry.  I must have hurt you so many times.  I didn't realize until it was too late, how much I loved you."

Nuriko's eyes widened, and he drew back a little to look at Hotohori's face.  The dark golden eyes were full of tears, but joy and love shone so strongly in them that all Nuriko's doubts flew away in an instant.  As Hotohori leaned down for their first kiss, Nuriko smiled and whispered against his lips.

"I'm home..."

**********

Epilogue

\-- To Kouri, who’d have killed me if I hadn’t written this ^.^

 

The sandy-haired young man tugged impatiently at his parents' hands as they wound their way through the dense crowd.

"Hurry, they're about to start!"

"Kaika, I still don't understand why you wanted to come to Emperor Nakago's coronation.  We don't even live in Kutou."

The young man smiled at his mother.  "Call it instinct.  I don't know why, but for some reason, I just wanted to be here today."

The father patted his son on the shoulder.  "Well, whatever it is you're looking for here, I hope you find it."

Kaika smiled again, and was about to reply when a sudden blast of trumpets drowned out his words.  The ceremony was starting.

The young man stared in surprise at the royal couple's familiar faces.  Though he had lost all of his memories when he had nearly drowned in the river, he realized that he knew them.  But at the same time, whatever it was inside him that had brought him here told him this wasn't why he had come.  He kept looking.

 

Up on the platform, Seiryuu seishi Suboshi watched the proceedings with disinterest.  He had attended the ceremony out of a sense of duty -- Nakago had been kind to him lately-- but nothing much mattered to him since both his brother and his Yui-sama were gone.  He heard his name mentioned and stepped forward, bowing in polite acknowledgment.

In the crowd, Kaika's heart stopped as he saw his own mirror image on the stage.  Memory rushed back, and his whispered his twin brother's name.

"Shun-chan."

Suboshi looked up, startled.  Someone had called his name, he was certain.  But there was only one person who called him that, and his aniki was dead...wasn't he?  Though he couldn't convince himself there was any logical reason to hope, he raised his eyes to scan the crowd before him.

Two identical pairs of blue eyes met, and two hearts too long separated cried out in joy.  Suboshi left the stage as quickly as he could, while his brother started worming his way through the crowd.  Reunited, they embraced each other, their hearts too full for words.  Tears and laughter became one, and a silent promise flew along their once-broken bond. _Never again._

 


End file.
